Free PDF Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal, by Marsha Means
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Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal, by Marsha Means
Free PDF Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal, by Marsha Means
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Product details
Paperback: 224 pages
Publisher: New Horizon Press; 8.11.2009 edition (August 25, 2009)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0882823094
ISBN-13: 978-0882823096
Product Dimensions:
5.5 x 0.8 x 8.2 inches
Shipping Weight: 8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.5 out of 5 stars
154 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#42,039 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
I enjoyed the beginning of this book, especially the conceptualization of spouses the sex addicts as experiencing symptoms of PTSD. I agree that labeling us as codependent really makes no sense. I found out about my spouse's sexual addiction just a few months ago. I read a few relationship books at that time that focused on making you reflect on what you did to cause the end of your relationship and that didn't make a whole lot of sense given this situation. This is a book, along with counseling, reaffirmed the notion that there was nothing I did to cause or maintain my husband's sexual addiction. What I don't like about this book are the personal stories. Out of all the ones in the book, only one story resulted in the spouse leaving...and this story was told by an addict. In all of the stories told by the spouses of sex addicts, the spouses chose to stay...even the spouse whose husband was arrested for child pornography! I chose to leave my situation and would've appreciated a more balanced representation of relationships that ended because of the addiction and how they are doing now. Since 95% of them were focused on couples that stayed together, it inadvertently gave the message that a spouse who chose to leave was not gracious or forgiving enough. After the stories, there was a very short chapter that was under-developed. I would've loved to see this chapter include concrete suggestions or even worksheets to help spouses come up with the good self-care and recovery plan. This was a missed opportunity. Because of these flaws, I can only give it 3 stars.
FINALLY found a AMAZING book that is helping me ( Spouse of PA) deal with all the Trauma my husbands sexual betrayals have caused for me! Get it now!!! It shows me I am living through real life trauma similar to living through an earthquake. Along with about a 1000 aftershocks, each time new is disclosed. Any slight tremor causes someone that has experienced a bad earthquake to relive the horrid event. I am Severely Traumatized by my husband's betrayals causing me to be triggered by sights and thoughts all around the day to day life we live. Suddenly almost seemingly out of nowhere I feel anger, sad, sick to my stomach almost like I did at first disclosure. Now I know it is caused by triggers that cause my body to relive the trauma my husband has caused. It is Post Traumatic Stress I am having. I was very confused about the codependent model everything else was telling me I am. I was not trying to control him by looking at his phone, checking his van, threats of leaving. I was trying to find SAFETY! It's an awesome book! I could not say enough great things about this book and it is now my main source of healing, coping and hope for myself.
There is not much help for the spouse out there. The entire movement would do better if they didn't leave the spouse in the dirt. My husband received lots of help and support, but I was left with two choices. The first choice: one therapist said, "I had no reason to get a divorce" and intonated that I was the bad guy here for not letting my husband live openly as a woman. I cried for two days. This therapist probably counseled trans genders and saw ME as the problem. The second choice is therapists that work to bring the spouse into recovery. But they see the spouse as a sex addict just for marrying one. This book presents a third choice: suggesting that the spouse is the victim and tries to get them to be a survivor.
FINALLY a book that focuses on the TRAUMA of being in a relationship with someone who is a sex addict! So many other books - if not all - focus on the partner as a "co-addict" and drags you through the coal of co-addiction and codependency. Why? In no other addiction field do I see this happening - there aren't co-alcoholics, co-narcotics, or co-overeaters. There is some presumption that if you're in a relationship with someone who has sex addiction you are automatically the outlet of their addiction - this is not necessarily the case at all! Finally, we have a book here that tears all that co-addict stuff apart and focuses on what we need - to HEAL FROM THE TRAUMA. Finally a professional understands. Finally some real, actual, applicable advice for how to heal, how to cope, and how to continue life.This is science- and research-based material with a compassionate perspective. I would have liked to see more detailed references to literature and studies. The advice is sound, practice-based, and very helpful. The perspective and compassion is long overdue.I am so thankful I found this book and purchased it. I know I will be reading it again and again whenever I feel the need to rework the trauma and take better care of myself.
I caught my husband engaging in regular porn viewing and he began cyber sexting. Hadn't gotten to having sex with someone else but it would have happened if I hadn't busted him out. This book did not make it all go away or fix the problem but it did comfort me and help me identify and understand what I was feeling. Helped me understand that I'm not alone or a freak this has happened to many sadly. Helped me understand what sex addiction is. It touched on how this affects me as a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. Again, this book is not a quick fix but I found it to be soothing and caring. I feel a lot less broken after reading this.
I was married 15 years to a sex addict. Popular recovery groups and theories blame the "co-dependent" spouse as one who is as 'ill' because of co-dependency. This is the first validating book I've ever read that truly captures the trauma from those relationships - furthermore changing the thinking of therapists worldwide. Instead of further traumatizing spouses of addicts, these authors have begun to expose the depth of real trauma caused by living with a sex addict. For once, we are validated, supported, viewed as a person who is not sick. There are helpful examples and resources. I recommend anyone who is the addict or the partner of an addict, read this immediately. Help is on the way for thousands of us who have been re-traumatized by conventional therapeutic thinking and recovery groups. Amazing!
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